A term used for products that are supposed to mimic the wrinkle-banishing effect of Botox, as in fake Botox. No such thing exists (the Botox molecule is too big to penetrate the skin’s surface.)

Trout Pout

Lip injections or inserts that make you look like a trout — and patently ridiculous.

Hangry

So hungry you end up getting angry (Geddit? Hungry + angry = hangry). Not a desirable state but one in which many modern women perpetually live.

Pillow Face

Also know as The New New Face. It’s the modern era’s answer to the face lift. Actresses, models, women with too much money plump cheeks, under eyes, lips, etc. to mimic the fuller face more common in one’s youth.

1661

When a woman looks like she’s 16 from behind and 61 from the front. Highly confusing for randy teenage boys and creepy, old model chasers alike.

Pulling a Wildenstein

Having your face butchered so badly by plastic surgery/cosmetic injections you no longer resemble yourself… or any human being, for that matter. Hard to look at, like a solar eclipse.

Bingo Wings

The fleshy backside of the arm that waves, like a wing, when old ladies raise an arms and yell ‘BINGO’ in the bingo hall on a Friday night. Not the preserve of nans, bingo wing can be seen on any number of women/girls and increasingly men with un-toned arms.

A Monet

Someone who looks good at a distance and a mess up close.

Duckface

The act of pursing one’s lips into a wannabe pout (duck bill) for photos because one believes it looks sexy. A visual blight on social networking sites. Definitively un-sexy.

Tango-ed

Being so fake tan that one looks orange, the color of Tango. Seemingly the default complexion colour of choice for far too many. Often paired with Duckface (see above) and a multitude of other beauty sins.

Bolt-ons

Bad breast implants that look as if they’ve been bolted onto one’s chest, like a flesh-toned coconut bra. A staple among all the Real Houswives and other reality TV stars. Common among WAGs and emaciated models too.

Taxi Shoes

Heels so vertiginous they cause near paralysis when worn. The goal is to take as few steps as possible, usually from taxi door to table and back. Like Chinese foot bondage for the WAG set.

Glam-by-osmosis

A girl who thinks (falsely) that by hanging out with more fashionable, attractive, well-connected people s/he is, by osmosis, the same. Often named in paparazzi shots as ‘friend’ if at all. Markedly frumpier than those to which s/he clings.

Bunny Lines

When actresses (like one famous flame-haired Aussie who swears she’s never *cough, cough* had anything done) have so much Botox that the only expression lines their faces can form are on the sides of the nose, resembling bunny whiskers. Often paired with strained neck muscles when attempting a smile.

Frozen Face

The side effect of too much Botox, often seen with the above-mentioned Bunny Lines and results in a large, flat, shiny plane between frozen brows (see Kim Cattrall).

Bait-and-switch

In Hollywood, doing something radically different — usually with hair colour or cut — to distract from some sort of nip-and-tuck, injection, etc. that’s been done.

Spanx

The universal term (and brand name) for all girdle-style undergarments that suck in everything from legs to bum, tummy and even bingo wings. Hard to pee while wearing them and have the dual purpose of making overeating impossible and sucking in your already-empty stomach (or other wobbly bit) for maximum smoothness.

Plastic Fantastic

Someone who’s now more plastic than real. They often look okay, until you compare their Plastic Fantastic person to an image of the original. Think Kardashians (all), Kate Beckinsale, Liz Hurley et al.

Turkey Neck

When your neck skin starts to sag and wrinkle, like the waddle on a turkey.

Pulling a Brittany

Going crazy.

Extension Fatigue

When you chop off your hair because your perma-extensions are causing it to fall out. Often done under the ruse of becoming fashion forward/edgy.

Detox Ditz

Girls who are so out-of-it because they’re detoxing or juice fasting so much that their brains don’t function.

Cankles

Thick ankles that look as if your calves meet your feet without any ankle first. Very noticable when wearing flats.